So I travel down to Ormond street to frequent Morrisons as I do every Wednesday night to see the band in action. I have been going for the last 6 weeks at least and it’s a great laugh and cheesy music, when you’re drunk, is fun! I arrive at 12pm to the door having acknowledged Bjorn’s presence across the road, and as soon as I get to the door I’m stopped by the bouncer who knows my face surely at this stage. “Sorry man, can’t let ya in”, why? I reply…….”No shorts man”. I laughed thinking he was joking. He wasn’t joking. The manager had apparently told him not to let anyone in that were wearing shorts. I wondered did this include the opposite sex(hardly). Was it because I didn’t shave my legs that my access to the venue had been denied? All previous entries I had been wearing my variety of summer 3/4 length wear. Damn I thought to myself, should I go home now and shave them. Why is it like this? Why do I have to feel completely segregated when all i want to do is have a laugh with a few friends? Who is this manager I wonder? And why did he decide all of a sudden that people who wear shorts shouldn’t be allowed in? Also, what were the factors in his decision making that brought him to this definite conclusion that men in shorts are bad for business?? I have spent way more money in that bar than I would have liked to over the past few weeks and this has made it seem a complete waste of time. What the fuck was I thinking?

The only conclusions I can come to is that the manager is jealous of my sexy legs and he himself impaired with a variety of skin diseases on his legs, was tired of my flaunting and decided to put an end to my bad behaviour the only way he knew how. Or that he himself is a “scumbag” of the highest variety i.e. knacker who ascends to a position of power, and in his fascist belief men cannot show off their legs in public lest the women’s corsets come undone and the children weep from such a cowering sight!!

What a fucking stupid situation altogether. To conform is the only way forward in this scenario. As much as it offends me to do so, the manager is god and I am only his humble fuck buddy, and at least he smiles while he’s fucking you in the ass and taking your money for watered down beer and overpriced shots!!!